Date Rape

Some say "It's a shame", some say "It's a misunderstanding", some say "It's a lie", some say "It's her fault", some say "It's his fault" - but the reality of date rape is:

it's a crime, and it's wrong!

It's hard to think of someone familiar - a date, a steady boyfriend, or a casual acquaintance - as a rapist. Familiarity makes you less inclined to trust your self-protective instincts. Being forced into having sex - even if it's by someone you know - is still RAPE and it's a CRIME. Nothing you do, say, or wear gives anyone the right to assault you - sexually or otherwise.

Here are some things to think about...

Men and women are both responsible for preventing sexual assault and rape. Poor communication - mixed signals, body language that contradicts the spoken word - are often key factors in DATE RAPE.

• You have the right to set limits.
• Communicate those limits - CLEARY.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation doesn't feel right, change it or get away from it!
• Be aware of sex-role stereotypes - such as "It's macho to score" and "Being assertive is unfeminine." These attitudes get in the way of honest relationships.
• Speak up, when others joke or talk about their sexual conquests. Let others know where you stand.
• PARTY TIME? Remember, drugs and alcohol decrease your ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.

"How about an intimate dinner for two at my place?"

"Want to come up and listen to my new CD?"

"Your roommates out for the evening. Let's study at your place."

"This party's a drag. Let's leave."

DON'T FALL FOR THESE OLD LINES, READ BETWEEN THEM

Plan Ahead

• First date or blind date?
• Check him out with friends.
• Go to a public place a movie, restaurant, or campus event, with friends,
• not alone.

Don't leave a party, concert, or bar with someone you just met, or don't know well, no matter how charming.

• Be wary of behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. If it persists, leave.
• Stand up for yourself. If someone is pressuring you, say that you don't like it and
• mean it.

For Men Only

IT'S NEVER ALL RIGHT TO FORCE YOURSELF ON A WOMAN, EVEN IF:

• She teases you or dresses provocatively.
• She says "No" and you think she means "Yes."
• You've had sex with her before.
• You've paid for a night on the town or an expensive gift.
• You've been dating a long time and you think it's time.
• Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.

If you have any doubts . . . STOP, ASK, CLARIFY. Protect yourself from a charge of rape because you did not ask.

It's OK not to "score." Real men can take "NO" for an answer.

Being drunk or stoned is no excuse. Having sex with someone who is, is RAPE.

Gang rape - a dare, a joke, a party game? NO! It's RAPE. It's WRONG. It's a CRIME.

It should be noted here, that men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action as women do.

If it happens to you.....

The single most important thing a rape victim can do is tell someone - the POLICE!

• (if on campus call 271-4911, if off campus call your local police department, or 9-1-1),
• a friend, the Rape Crisis Center (Oklahoma City 24-hour HOTLINE (405) 943-7273) (the Nation Wide HOTLINE is: 1-800-522-7233 - this hotline also deals with shelters, and domestic violence), a counselor. Don't isolate yourself, don't feel guilty, and don't just try to ignore it. Rape, whether by a stranger or someone you know, is a violation of your body and your trust.

DO NOT shower, wash, douche, or change your clothes, even though that's your immediate reaction.

SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.

• IF YOU CHOOSE TO PRESS CHARGES, THE EVIDENCE WILL BE THERE.
• YOU MAY HAVE INTERNAL INJURIES.
• DON'T LIVE WITH THE FEAR OF VD, AIDS, OR AN UNWANTED PREGNANCY.
• AND - GET COUNSELING TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

If it happens to someone you know...

• Listen, DO NOT judge.
• Give comfort. Let her know she's not to blame. Realize she may be dealing with fear, embarrassment, humiliation, and guilt.
• Encourage action. Stand by her decision to call the police, contact a hotline, go to the hospital.
• DON'T be overly protective. Encourage her to make decisions and take control as soon as she feels able.
• DON'T let your own feelings get in the way of helping her.

THE FOREGOING INFORMATION IS AVAILABLE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA HEALTH SCIENCES CENTER POLICE DEPARTMENT - FREE AND, IN BROCHURE FORM

Updated 111705