Handout E


What Can I Do When My Family Member Is Depressed?

Common Symptoms of Depression:
  1. Feeling sad, blue, or down
  2. Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
  3. Change in appetite or weight
  4. Change in sleep patterns
  5. Feeling tired and slowed down OR feeling restless
  6. Feeling worthless or guilty
  7. Trouble concentrating, thinking, or making decisions
  8. Thoughts of death or suicide
Common Causes of Depression
  1. Major life events (e.g., death of loved one, retirement)
  2. Genetic factors
  3. Imbalance in the level of chemicals in the brain.
  4. Medical illness
  5. Use of certain medications (some anti-convulsants or thyroid hormones)
  6. Excessive use of alcohol
Suicide Warning Signs:
There are several red flags that you want to pay special attention to if a loved one is talking about suicide. One warning sign does NOT mean that the person is definitely going to harm him/herself; rather, these cues may prompt you to explore the issue further:
  1. Changes in the level of depression (more depressed or happier than usual), especially if he/she:
    1. Has a specific plan for how they would kill themselves
    2. Begins to get their affairs in order (e.g., writes a will, gives things away, systematically contacts old friends or relatives)
    3. Feels worthless
    4. Talks about having done an unforgivable behavior
    5. Feels hopeless about the future
    6. Hears voices telling them to harm themselves

  2. Talks about being indestructible or having supernatural powers during a manic or delusional state
  3. Talks about killing him/herself ("everyone would be better off without me")
  4. Makes suicidal gestures (takes too many pills, cuts wrists, etc.)
  5. Increases use of alcohol or other drugs.
  6. Has previously attempted suicide OR has a history of being impulsive
What to do if your family member is suicidal
  1. TALK ABOUT IT! Asking about suicide will NOT put ideas in their head and will not make the situation worse. Ask - then listen. You may want to discuss coping strategies at a time when your loved one is not actively suicidal.
  2. Offer emotional support by expressing your concern, care, and willingness to help.
  3. Ask if they have a plan about how they are thinking about killing themselves. If so, then:
    1. Seek professional help immediately
    2. Try to get the person to make an agreement with you that they will not act on these plans without first talking to you, a hotline, or mental health professional
    3. Put away any objects that they may use to harm themselves (guns, knives, pills, razors, etc)
  4. If the person is delusional, seek professional help.
  5. If you don't know what to do, call a professional (e.g., suicide hotline, mental health professional, police)


    • National SUICIDE Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE
    • Suicide hotline in Oklahoma City: (405) 848-CARE

Local Treatment Options for Veterans Struggling with Depression
  1. Individual / Group Psychotherapy
  2. Psychoeducational Classes
  3. Day Treatment Center
  4. Anti-depressant Medications
  5. Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)
Coping Strategies for the Family
  1. DO's
    1. Acknowledge that depression is a legitimate illness - which is different from just having a "down" day.
    2. Learn about the illness of depression:

      Some Good Books on Depression:
      What to do when someone you love is depressed. (1996). M. & S. Golant.
      Overcoming depression. (1987). D. & J. Papolos.
      When someone you love is depressed. (1996). L. Rosen & X. Amador. Sherman, M.D., & Sherman, D.M. (2006). I’m not alone: A teen’s guide to living with a parent who has a mental illness. Edina, MN: Beaver’s Pond Press. Available at www.seedsofhopebooks.com


      Interesting Movies on Depression:
      Ordinary People
      Patch Adams

      Relevant Web Sites:
      www.depression.com [comprehensive resources about depression]
      www.ndmda.org [National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Web site]
      www.mentalhealth.com [World Wide Web mental health page]
      www.moodswing.org [for manic depression]
      www.depressionfallout.com/resource.html [for caregivers]

    3. Have realistic expectations…but maintain hope!
    4. Be an active team member in the care of your loved one. Ask questions of doctors, nurses, psychologists, and other health care providers.
    5. Offer emotional support, patience, and compassion. Encourage your loved one to exercise and do activities that he/she used to enjoy.
    6. Stay in contact with your social support network.
    7. Obtain professional help for yourself when needed.
    8. Maintain good sleep habits, both for you and your loved one.
    9. Maintain a healthy diet; engage in regular exercise; avoid use of alcohol.


  2. DON'Ts
    1. Try not to take the depression personally - it's not your fault! You cannot cure depression with love any more than you can cure cancer with love.
    2. Don't exclude the depressed person from family discussions or decisions.
    3. Don't try to do everything for the depressed person.
    4. Don't criticize the person for their depressed behavior.
    5. Don't feel that you need to apologize for your loved one.
Parts adapted from When someone you love has a mental illness by R. Woolis (1992).


Support And Family Education:
Mental Health Facts for Families
Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D.