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Anger Management -- Time Out Process
| Who? |
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Time outs are helpful to use in relationships
that you want to maintain. You would not choose to use this procedure
with strangers or with others with whom you have not already discussed
the process. |
| When? |
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Either partner can call a time out
if a discussion/argument is starting to feel out of control. Most
people cannot think clearly when angry, so postponing the discussion
until a time when both people are calmer is helpful. |
** VERY IMPORTANT: Discuss the
use of this procedure at a calm time.
Key points to discuss:
- A mutually agreed-upon signal for the use of time-out
Note: Best to have both a verbal and nonverbal (hand signal) way of communicating the need to take a time out
- Both agree that the partner will not follow the person who is taking the time out.
- When a time out is called, the discussion ends immediately. Trying to get in the last word is not helpful.
- When you choose to take a time out, you need to tell the other person:
- What you are going to do
- Where you are going (e.g., next room, for a drive, to a friend's house)
- When you will return (certain number of
minutes/hours)
Example: "I'm going to Wal-Mart to cool off and I'll be
back in an hour"
While taking the time out:
It is not helpful to obsess about how angry you feel at the other person during this time. Rather, it's a time to cool down so the discussion later can be more productive. Thinking about options for how to solve the problem can be helpful. One can consider what he/she can do to improve the situation and make things work for both partners.
Upon returning to discuss:
- Each person presents his/her solution to the problem, and the other person listens without interrupting.
- Both people focus on what aspects of the solution will work (rather than focusing on what won't work).
- Together, they choose parts of both solutions
that will make both parties satisfied.
Pointers for the discussion:
| DO: |
Be flexible.
Listen carefully.
Be open to compromise.
Use "I" statements.
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| DON'T: |
Focus on "all or none" solutions
Be rigid in only being open to your solution (e.g., "my way or the
highway")
Criticize the other person for their ideas |
Local Treatment Options for Veterans Dealing with Anger Management Issues
- Anger Management Class
- Couples or Family Therapy
- Psychiatric Medications
Adapted from presentation by Dan Jones, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
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